My ankles have started to swell, they get bigger as the day goes on. My back is almost always hurting me now days. So far McLean is sitting very low in the belly, which can get uncomfortable depending on where he is. I haven't had leg cramps yet, I do get heartburn every night though. Right now he is sitting low on the left side giving me sharp pains right there every time he moves a little. He loves my left side, I feel him move sometimes on the right but mostly he moves and kicks to the left, must be more comfortable over there for him. Some nights I am absolutely miserable, and nothing I do makes me comfortable. But despite all this I love being pregnant, I love feeling him move. It will all be worth it.
Rory is working all the time, it worries me because he is sleeping at the arena a lot, it is very taxing on me because I really really want to trust him, but when I do he does something to tear at that trust. So I have a hard time with him working so much and not coming home. That was suppose to stop weeks ago after training camp. He says he is going to start working at Jiffy Lube three days a week now to help bring in more money. I am getting really sick and tired of being at his parents still. We have the money to rent but are being hampered by his felony. Plus I call houses for rent all the time but never get any call backs it is so frustrating and I can't seem to get any help from Rory at all. I ask him to do things like call different places to get a feel of if there is any one out there willing to take us with his felony. He never calls. I ask him to stand up for us with Alyse and his son he never does. Then when I get frustrated it is my fault, and the only way the fight will stop is if I back down and say I am wrong. I hate it. I now do everything, but get frustrated still because it is stressing me out and so he gets upset that I am stressed and not happy giddy. But when I bring up why I am stressed he says he will help but yet never does. It is like he doesn't want to leave his parents, he wants to be lazy and just let everyone do every thing for him. If I don't pick up everything, clean everything and do the laundry and cook dinner I get in trouble for not helping him. Yet all he does he sleep and spend time in the bathroom. I am six motherfucking months pregnant I can't do it all!
We have so many things that are still needed before McLean gets here, I am getting stressed about making sure we have it all. Rory keeps spending money like it is growing on trees which is frustrating because we really need to save money. In 15 weeks I won't work or bring in money for 7 weeks.
I applied for a new job, a dispatcher job for the city. It has taken a month I have passed two steps already, I have an orientation and testing to do Wednesday that is over three hours long, if I pass that then they will call for an interview. I am worried because I clearly look six months pregnant I hope they don't discriminate against that. I could really use the job, it would be an off schedule which will make it harder to find a baby sitter when both of us are working, but the pay is better, the benefits are better and they have retirement. All things that we really need. I wish Rory would get a different job, but he likes that Blaze and gets depressed when he isn't with them.
I know I am frustrated and things seems down, but I really am happy to be pregnant I can't wait until I get to hold my baby, I love him already. :) I just have to hope that things will turn out how they are suppose to and that we can find a place to live soon.
